Tremolo
by Rain Sky
Summary: Even Hitomi is not flawlessly calm and collected when she confesses her feelings to Kyousuke. But she is serene and relieved when he later drops a bombshell on her. AU, but plausible, non-crack. Unrequited love aplenty. Finished story, but possible two-shot OR sequel. Omake scenes included at the end. Moemura cameo.


**A/N**: This will deviate slightly from canon and is Hitomi-centric. Detailed notes with spoilers for this story are at the end. There will be mentions of one primary OC, but she is more like a named piece of furniture, a bit of scenery. All names are in western order, and I did not use a single Japanese honorific even though they helped with characterisation in the original work. Just in case it isn't clear, only the italics are Hitomi's first-person thoughts; I did not forget to italicise the third-person narration of her thoughts. There is another A/N at the end, plus some bonus scenes! Also, I may write a sequel, or maybe just an epilogue as a second chapter.

* * *

Didn't she harbour feelings for him? Didn't she go above and beyond the expectations of a friend and visit him in the hospital even before exams? Hitomi wondered about her absent friend. She had seen that, and hoped to allow her friend the chance to confess her feelings to Kyousuke Kamijou first. For a whole day, she had braced herself for Kyousuke accepting Sayaka's feelings. Why wouldn't he, really? They've been friends for so long, and Sayaka was always so full of life. Hitomi knew without a doubt she could have sincerely wished them the best, but it certainly would have hurt. But Sayaka skipped school today yet again – she's been doing that so often recently even though she has always been a good student.

Her eyes gently fell on Kyousuke once more as he laughed at something Chiyo Kanata said. _It'd be nice to make him laugh like that._ She snapped herself out of her reverie. Ever since school started today, Sayaka was not there; she could not have confessed while Kyousuke was at school. Did Sayaka perhaps confess to him after she met her at the cafe yesterday? But Kyousuke was constantly surrounded by friends and, as far as she knew, he jumped right back in to the orchestra rehearsal after school even though it had been his first day back, so it was unlikely Sayaka had the chance to speak to him then.

Hitomi glanced down at her watch. After-school clean-up had just started, but her classmates were generally very efficient about it. Then, there would still be at least an hour before the promised twenty-four hours were up. _If Sayaka shows up, I'll defer to her. No love is worth ruining a friendship for._ She gazed at Kyousuke and Chiyo again, with their identical silly grins. Hitomi knew for certain that Chiyo was hopelessly in love with an older student, but she was a constant reminder that the human heart was unpredictable; if the other student rejected her feelings, it was possible that Chiyo would fall into the waiting, comforting arms of her closest friend...

_Focus, Hitomi!_ She commanded herself. _You can't control what happens with Sayaka or Chiyo or anyone else. All you can do is be honest about your own feelings._ As the clock ticked, she found it difficult to swallow. _He's a nice person. He won't bite, insult you, or spread rumours around the school._ No matter how hard she tried, no matter how rigid her arms became, Hitomi's fingers couldn't grip the broom handle tightly enough as she swept eraser shavings into a dustpan. If she were to be truly honest with herself, a part of her _wanted_ Sayaka to show up and confess and be accepted by Kyousuke so that the pressure of finding out whether he would accept her would fall away from her shoulders.

* * *

On the path by the river, Kyousuke was a little ahead, handling his crutches with familiarity, determined to not be anyone else's burden. He was also very alone, Hitomi had noticed; it was rare nowadays that he wasn't surrounded by well-wishers. She picked up her own pace.

"Hello, Mr Kamijou," she greeted him gently when she was close enough.

"Oh, hello, Miss Shidzuki," he answered, kindly enough, though he wasn't actually paying attention to her, much more preoccupied with behaving as though he wasn't still recovering from his injuries.

_It's as if he wants to pretend the accident never happened_, Hitomi thought.

"Do you mind if I walk with you?" She was comforted to know that at least her voice sounded natural.

He finally looked at her, out of surprise. "I don't mind at all, but don't you live in the other direction? Did you move recently?"

She tried to still the butterflies that refused to settle whenever Kyousuke looked her way. "No, you are right. This is a little... How did you know?"

"A long time ago, I went to play with Chiyo without asking. She was going to your birthday party, so we walked down the street to your house together," he answered, matter-of-factly.

She hadn't had a public birthday party since she turned seven. The euphoria that Kyousuke remembered something from so long ago about her took a nosedive when Hitomi realised it said more about his friendship with the other girl. "I see. Time really does fly."

Kyousuke grinned. "Yeah, it seems like just yesterday I saw Chiyo playing the violin and decided I had to learn too." He leaned ever so slightly closer to Hitomi. "I grabbed her violin out of her hands and then, naturally, she yanked it back. Our tug-of-war resulted in her violin being damaged beyond repair. My parents still bring it up even though it was before we were even in school."

She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks at his proximity, but she just laughed and said, to her surprise at her own boldness, "You're awful!"

He laughed too, to Hitomi's relief. "But we're friends now!"

Hitomi wondered if Kyousuke wished they were more than friends. And, really, why not? What could Hitomi offer that Kyousuke's best friend couldn't?

_You dance much better than she does!_ A firm voice in her head reminded.

_Chiyo has two left feet. Anyone can dance better than she does._ She snarked back at herself.

_What about your grades? You have the third highest marks in the class; you're way out of her league!_

_She sleeps about two hours a night; she spends every waking minute studying violin, piano, or vocal performance! She actually has a decent reason not to earn high marks._

_Aren't you the same? In fact, you are studying more disciplines than she is. You have piano, dance, tea ceremony, and flower arrangement classes. You've sacrificed your social life as well. You manage those activities and your academics._

_I don't pursue any of those arts as seriously as she does._ But at this, Hitomi struggled to keep the emotions of her inner "dialogue" from reaching her face. _Well, I suppose I do pretty well for myself, just not in piano – not in music, which Kyousuke values above everything else._

_So you're only going to compare each of your skills against those of specialists? You're better than simply a jack-of-all-trades, Hitomi. You're a person who happens to have many skills._

_Please drop the subject._ Hitomi pleaded with herself.

Kyousuke was looking off into the distance now, just shy of pensive. "Back then, we were just two kids having fun. We didn't know anything about musical gifts or international stages. We supported each other. We challenged each other. I really am an awful person, aren't I?" His hands trembled, but he was stable on his crutches.

"No, I don't get that impression," Hitomi said carefully. "You and Chiyo may not be at the level of Joshua Bell yet, but you two are already getting invited as guests to many international concerts so you two have the best English in the class. Even though you must have many things to do, I remember how much you helped Madoka in that subject before." The last syllable came out choked, as she only just reminded herself not to bring up the accident. Hurriedly, she added, "Even for something you aren't so strong at, such as chemistry, you and Madoka really worked hard together to study for exams. That's proof of a respectable work ethic and a kind heart." _How long do I have before tea ceremony lessons again?_

"That's actually why I wanted to speak to you." It's now or... Well, now. "You are a good person. You take responsibility for yourself and I've never seen you treat anyone badly. On top of that, you balance your dedication to the violin with a social life without ever forgetting your academics. I really admire you. In fact, I've admired you ever since you and Sayaka helped Madoka learn the recorder so that she could pass the applied music examination."

"Am I such an admirable person?" Hitomi thought Kyousuke mumbled, but she couldn't be sure.

Was it too early? He seemed so upbeat before, but was he still picking up the pieces from when his will was shattered after the accident? "It is for that reason that I would like to get to know you better."

"Sure, what do you want to know?"

"I mean, I'd like to go on a date with you, and see where it goes from there."

Kyousuke blinked but his face yielded no other reaction. _Oh God_. Though they were alone, Hitomi tried not to drown in the waves of humiliation; it felt as if the whole human race was watching. The gently caressing breeze seemed to howl and the tranquil river seemed to crash tempestuously in mockery.

"I-I understand. Please don't force yourself to respond. After all, I did spring this on you so suddenly, and it's not like we are all that close." She knew she was babbling; why couldn't she stop?

"I, um..." It took him a great effort to put his thoughts to words; he was being especially careful now. "Er, that is to say, I really admire you too. You're the best flower-arranger in the entire school, no question about it. But right now, it's just, there's already someone else I'm thinking of." After another split second, he added, "It's not you, it's me."

"Yes... Yes, I understand." She hadn't physically exploded yet, so she supposed she was taking this quite well. And then, before she could stop a rare, immature impulse, she blurted, "May I ask you one thing? Is Sayaka the one you are interested in?"

Should she pull her hands to her mouth in shock? Hitomi wondered if drawing attention to her faux pas would actually be worse than brushing it off as if it hadn't happened. _But if he answers in the affirmative, I can encourage Sayaka more persistently to confess_.

"Sayaka?" He seemed confused. "No, why would you say that? She's been a good friend to me, better than I deserve, but haven't we always just been like friends?"

Once more, before Hitomi's reason could catch up, she asked again, "It's Miss Kanata, isn't it? Oh, of course it is. You two are a match made in heaven! She's nearly your equal in violin and much better than me at piano, and she gets the lion's share of treble solos in the chorus. And she _is_ pretty."

_Except for her hair!_ The voice in the back of Hitomi's head woke up again and chimed in. Chiyo sported a frizzy dark blue mess that had to be straightened for hours before a performance.

"No, it's not Chiyo," Kyousuke declared firmly, slightly alarmed at Hitomi's distress, but this time his voice was more solemn. "You're asking because of the flowers I brought her yesterday, right?"

If Kyousuke brought flowers for Chiyo the day before, it was news to Hitomi.

"When I was... injured... I was stuck in the hospital," Kyousuke began, haltingly, and even softer than before. "I actually didn't mind being in the hospital, you know? I was admitted to the hospital a long time ago to have my appendix removed. All the doctors and nurses were kind and made the experience not so scary. But this time, even though my entire body hurt, I knew it could have been just as enjoyable as the previous time, if only I could have played."

Hitomi hadn't meant it, but before she knew what was happening, her impulsive prying had locked her into a recounting of a very personal memory – a memory that she knew only bits and pieces of from visiting him in the hospital when time allowed.

"It was miserable because every day I was terrified – terrified to face the reality that I would never play ever again." He seemed to be disgusted with his remark, staring hard at the cobblestone path before raising his eyes to a cheery white cloud in the sky. "She's my best friend, and I said some very unkind words to her, even though she took the time to visit me and I know better than anyone else how little free time she has."

He spoke very slowly, and Hitomi guessed that he was stifling his emotions. "When I returned to the orchestra yesterday, she had already left my seat open. She declared that I was still the concertmaster even though she had taken over the duties for so long, even though I was so _rusty_." At this point, Hitomi knew she caught a barely-there hiccup. "She forgave me! Even before I got a single word out, she made it out as if that moment never happened. I... won't ever take that for granted. Yesterday, I made clear my intent to make amends for what I said, but it's what I do from now on that'll really determine if I deserve such a friend."

_Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut?_ Hitomi scolded the brasher part of herself. She resolved to indulge that side more often in the privacy of her room so that it would never again act out at such an inopportune moment. Softly, she laid one hand on his shoulder silently. When he did not recoil, she kept her hand steady and positioned it in quite a masculine, unladylike style, trying to be a comforting presence as opposed to a rejected suitor concerned with trying to hold onto a piece of Kyousuke.

Counter-intuitively, however, while mentally trying to escape this awkward moment of closeness, Hitomi reflected instead on all the little missteps you made in the last twenty minutes despite rehearsing every part of her confession and doing her best to prepare herself for the multitude of answers he could have given, including the possibility that Kyousuke preferred charming, good-looking _boys_.

Kyousuke, too, was trying to escape the suddenly personal turn this conversation had taken. Kicking an innocuous pebble, his mind at a blank, his attempt at alleviation was, "Um, so, Miss Shidzuki, you wanted to know whom I liked, right?"

Her face flushed again, even worse than it had when he had declined to return her feelings. "I apologise for my earlier outbursts, Mr Kamijou." She stopped to bow low in contrition, feeling even guiltier at how tardy the gesture was. "It really wasn't any of my business."

"It's Miss Akemi," he said evenly, above Hitomi's apologies.

Though she did not voice it, her face plainly asked, "What?" For all of a fraction of a second, all of her insecurities returned, musing over the transfer student's various strengths and weaknesses. Homura Akemi had no musical ability to Hitomi's knowledge, but perhaps Kyousuke did not look for that in a potential girlfriend. Perhaps the sort of friendly rivalry he held with Chiyo Kanata worked between friends but would cause too much resentment in a significant other. Maybe Kyousuke preferred a girl he did not know since the days of cooties and scraped knees. Or perhaps it was just that Homura held the top marks in their class despite only transferring in a month ago and was, without a doubt, the most beautiful girl in the entire school.

To her surprise, Kyousuke chuckled. "I guess it does seem a little out of left field, since I don't really know her all that well. I haven't even worked up the nerve to say anything to her in the last few days."

"Have you met her before?" She asked, this time refraining from a prying tone.

"Yeah, she was at the same hospital I was at. She was already there in a long-term care room when I was admitted."

Hitomi felt rather silly at this remark; Mitakihara was not a very large city. Its sole hospital was attached to a large medical centre for general internal medicine and what-have-you; it and five veterinary clinics served the people's needs more than aptly. _But then, I've had the good fortune never to have been seriously ill or injured_. Hitomi forgave herself.

"One day, I asked one of my attending nurses about her. She said that Miss Akemi had been there for over a year, that she'd never had a normal life even before her condition worsened." Kyousuke's features contorted into a grimace, still tinged with the bitterness of several lost months. "I suppose the nurse wanted me to at least be grateful I had the chance to play violin even if I could never do so again, but all I could think was that it would be nice to be ignorant of what I was missing like Miss Akemi was."

"There's a saying, Miss Shidzuki, and it claims that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Kyousuke's words sounded rehearsed to Hitomi's ears, as if he had repeated the phrase over and over to himself. "I really wanted to know who was truly luckier – me or Miss Akemi. A few times, I considered just going over and talking to her; I thought I could infer the truth from doing that and then find peace in whatever the answer was. It took weeks, but I got up the courage to talk to her."

* * *

_After knocking twice slowly on the door, Kyousuke opened the door a crack. Peering in, he saw that the girl was awake, sitting up, and looking alertly at him though timidly. Her long black hair was once more pulled into two neat braids; a small handheld electronic device and a book lay open before her. Glad that he hadn't disturbed her sleep, Kyousuke let himself into the room. Approaching the bed, he cordially smiled and said, "Hello. I'm Kyousuke Kamijou. I was admitted not long ago after an accident. I believe you are called Homura Akemi. Is that correct?"_

"_H-hello... Er, yes, that is my name..." The girl answered, not unkindly but very uncertainly. "It's n-nice to meet you..." She meekly offered Kyousuke the nearest chair – all chairs were sky-blue to simulate the colour of freedom for the hospital's long-term patients._

_Kyousuke's eyes fell on her book – it was a children's book with colourful illustrations and large text. "What's that you're reading there? It's not English. Is it French?"_

"_Um, it's _Little Red Riding Hood_ in German..." Homura gestured to a pile of books on the other side of her hospital bed, identical in size to the one she was reading, all from the same publisher, each interpreting a different fairy tale._

"_Wow!" Kyousuke was unabashedly impressed. "Are you from Germany?"_

"_N-no... My parents' work took them to Germany two years ago... Even then I was too weak to go with them... So they hired caregivers to take care of me here... But last year my health declined, so I had to be admitted here... I've been here ever since..." Homura gave Kyousuke a wistful smile. "T-they can't visit me, but they send me lots of presents from Germany including all these books."_

_For the first time, Kyousuke noticed that the handheld device she had been using was an electronic dictionary, specifically a German-Japanese dictionary. She was reading the books to be close to her parents with only an elementary knowledge of German, and using the dictionary to translate the words she didn't know and couldn't infer from the pictures. The realisation struck Kyousuke with a pang that whether he was more fortunate to have experienced life or she was more fortunate to not have ever experienced what she was missing, he was at least blessed in not being separated from his parents._

"_You really look up to your parents, don't you?" He felt an unshakeable sadness and the urge to embrace both his parents when they came up to see him later in the day._

"_Y-yes..."_

"_Miss Akemi?"_

"_Yes?"_

_Smiling warmly at her, he declared, "Let's make a promise. Let us both work towards making a miracle happen. You'll become strong enough to fly to Germany and be with your parents, and I'll be able to play violin again. What do you say?"_

* * *

"That was my first and only conversation with her," he finished. "I heard, a little over a month ago, that she was discharged. I was happy that she fulfilled her promise and became healthy, but I was still wallowing in self-pity for myself. But when I got back yesterday, I couldn't believe it! She's right here, my classmate at school, and she's done so much more than simply become cleared for flying. She's answering tough questions in class with ease and excelling in sports. She's really living life, not missing even a second. It really must have been a miracle."

Hitomi couldn't help smiling too. Even though it wasn't the outcome she had wanted, she too was happy that someone she cared about was about to create his own happiness.

"She's... a little different now," Kyousuke remarked thoughtfully. "I think this is probably a result of her experiences. She was vulnerable when her health was poor, but now she's determined to make up for lost time, you know? I'm... glad to have seen that side of her too."

"You're probably right," Hitomi mused. "Sayaka doesn't get along with Miss Akemi at all, but Madoka sees something else in her. I think that even though Miss Akemi wants to be strong, Madoka can see the same vulnerability that you saw." The more she thought about it, the more obvious the reasons why Homura Akemi captured Kyousuke's attention became. What kind of a guy _didn't_ have a soft spot for aloof beautiful girls? Moreover, what kind of a guy could possibly ignore a tragic fragile bird in a hospital, in need of saving, the modern day damsel-in-distress? Hitomi's classmate combined aspects of _both_ ideals.

They walked together in silence for a few minutes; Hitomi supposed he couldn't comment on Madoka's (strained) friendship with Homura. As they walked, Hitomi felt her heart become lighter and lighter. True, she would have liked for Kyousuke to return her feelings. But with this result, she and Sayaka's friendship would not suffer. In fact, _nothing_ would change. Madoka would stay a compassionate neutral party and Sayaka would not be distanced from Hitomi if Kyousuke were to confess and Homura reciprocate.

Kyousuke suddenly stopped. Hitomi realised they were already in front of the Kamijou residence.

"Shall I ask my father to send you home?" he offered. "It'll be no trouble at all, since he usually goes out for errands soon. You can come in for a snack until then."

He was trying to extend an olive branch, to make sure they were still friends, she realised. She smiled in gratitude. "Well, thank you very much, Mr Kamijou."

Perhaps upon seeing that Hitomi was turned down, Sayaka would confess and hear the truth from him as well. Sayaka would then voice her continued dislike of the transfer student and, after a time, she and Hitomi could console each other as two best friends unlucky in love. They'd all remain friends and, someday, this would all just be a testament to the strength of their bonds.

* * *

**A/N**: I wanted to portray Hitomi as a regular girl. I saw her as hardworking and ladylike, but also as a middle school student with insecurities towards her appearance and abilities, not always perfectly in control. Fundamentally, she is kind and polite, but she isn't a robot and thus she slips up from time to time. Hitomi's marks are the third highest in her class; she is behind Homura, who has taken the same course many times over, and Nakazawa, a character I believe to be a bright, diligent golden boy who had the highest marks in the earlier timelines. If Nakazawa is the best (male) student in the class, his word could have more authoritative weight relative to those of his classmates; thus, it would make some sense that Kazuko Saotome keeps picking on him after her relationships fail. Chiyo's purpose is to be Kyousuke's opposite-sex platonic best friend; following the precedent set by female canon students, Chiyo's surname can also be a given name. As for the concept of this story, I imagined what would have happened if Kyousuke had picked someone besides Hitomi. Sayaka still would fall upon seeing Hitomi confess and the two of them seemingly being friendly, but I thought it would be more interesting if Kyousuke threw a curveball about which girl he liked. Homura wasn't actually my only choice, though I picked her in the end since I came up with the best reasons pointing to her. The alternative choices make up the bonus scenes coming up; they are rough sketches of how I would have written them. I planned one more bonus scene derailing the OC Chiyo, but I feel it would fit better as a bonus scene for either the sequel or the epilogue, or an entirely different story.

Bonus Scene One

"It's Madoka," he said evenly, above Hitomi's apologies.

Though her jaw did not drop, Hitomi's surprise must have registered clearly on her face; beyond the 'constraints' of etiquette, she found wearing a mask to be disingenuous. For all of a fraction of a second, all of her insecurities returned, musing over her good friend's various strengths and weaknesses. Madoka was attractive by conventional standards, though Hitomi wondered how much of that opinion was affected by her bias as a friend. Did Kyousuke simply prefer very petite girls? (And Hitomi's shoes had five centimetre heels!) Or perhaps the fact that Madoka never seemed to express romantic interest in him (as far as Hitomi knew) allowed her to behave in a more natural, comfortable manner – perhaps it was actually that Hitomi and Sayaka's feelings bubbled to the surface subconsciously, alienating Kyousuke.

Kyousuke grinned somewhat sheepishly. "I mean, I've known her awhile now; we were all in elementary school together. She always gives her best effort at whatever she does, and the morale of the class has always seemed to revolve around her. I guess I sort of like that optimism."

"Oh!" Hitomi breathed. "Yes. Yes, it does. That's great – she's great."

He, too, seemed relieved at Hitomi's expression. "You three all are," he agreed, referring to Sayaka as well. "But that was before I knew about your interest. Since you're friends, I think she'll probably turn me down if I ever tell her. Rightly so, I should think."

_Oh, I don't think it's my interest that would stop Madoka from reciprocating your feelings._ Hitomi suspected that the bonds between three old friends were about to become very strained. But it wasn't anyone's fault – if Hitomi knew nothing else, it was that the heart wants what the heart wants.

Bonus Scene Two

"It's Miss Tomoe," he said evenly, above Hitomi's apologies. "She's one year above us at school."

Well, Hitomi supposed, it was natural for teenage boys to prefer older girls – aside from the physical differences, an older student carried a certain charisma just by virtue of being older. She made a mental note to look up 'Miss Tomoe' in last year's school yearbook when she got home.

"When I was first injured, Miss Tomoe came to visit me," he recalled with an air of serenity, Hitomi was glad to see. "She introduced herself, and told me about how she and her parents had been in an accident a few years ago. I was still shell-shocked, so I didn't really pay her the attention she deserved, but she told me about how it took a miracle for her to live, and how she still felt guilty since she had distracted her parents by being a spoiled child, causing the accident in the first place; she felt the guilt for ending her parents' lives and those of the people in the other car."

_It's a shared trauma that draws those two together_, Hitomi realised. With a tender, sincere smile, she said, "I'm sorry to hear that happened to her. I hope you can one day show her that no one blames her for the accident, and to encourage her to forgive herself."

Bonus Scene Three

"It's, er, it's Mrs Kaname," he said, blushing furiously as Hitomi gaped in a loss for words. "I mean, I know nothing can come of these feelings. It's just that the few times I've gone to Madoka's house, Mrs Kaname has never treated me as a child. My parents are always trying to protect me, which I found comforting in the hospital, but I'd like to be seen as growing up too. It just seems that sometimes adults just view us as kids – we're cute, we're helpless, and what we say means nothing. It's really refreshing that Madoka's mother doesn't do that."

Hitomi understood that there just wasn't any competing with an idealised boyhood crush. What's more, she admired Mrs Kaname for exactly the same reasons. When she had been younger, before her extracurricular activities took over all her leisure time, Hitomi had taken to confiding in her best friend's mother about her own worries and uncertainties. Through Mrs Kaname's reassurance, Hitomi had dedicated herself to artistic pursuits, reversing her parents' previous disappointment at not having a son; she broached the possibility of a family day trip to Disneyland so as not to interfere with her studies when she was nine; and she only needed to reminisce on those conversations to pluck up the courage to confess her feelings.


End file.
